Am I an extra for coming into this world?? Why my family just couldnt stop all the nonsense that has been going on for the past 20 plus years?? Why is it that wanting to have a carefree and happy leave is such a difficult thing for me?? Why cant I have the harmonious in my family? Why are you all so stuborn? Why?? Why I am having a different treatment from her?? Why is it that I have to face all these rubbish but yet she doesnt?? Why keeping my mouth shut is also my fault? I know that answering back is my fault, but keeping mouth shut? Why she must say that we are all against her? Why she must said that she is an outsider? Why am I so restless at that moment?Why can I just tolerate a little more? Why is everything happen to me in this way?? Why cant I have a happy and less conflict family like what others have?? Why why why???

One after the other, now is my family problem again. Mum got pissed with me again. Come on, I am also pissed lol.. She anyhow promised aunty that I will be joiniong them for dinner, and luckily I have no event or outing going on. Just ask her this question and she just flare up 1st, and of course I will agure back. In the end, Dad got pissed off too, and dad more or less side me, and in the end, she wasnt happy at all,and everything just goes on and on. Till today she still gives me black face and attitude. Comes to think about it, I know is also my fault that I shouldnt have answer back and say anymore stuff, but I has already apologise, what do you still expect me to do?? Why you treat me is so different?? Am I your daughter too?? The way you treat me, just sadden me..

But I must said that at least today I am lucky that I have Bby to accompany me,thought is just a short while, but is just the heart that matters. Despite of his tiredness after his praying in the morning, but he still makes the effort to come and meet me, which really makes my heart feels better and more "Xin Wei". Thank You Bby.

I really really wish that all the rubbish that has happen recently will go away as soon as possible, hopes that everything will be smoother from tomorrow onwards. May god bless me!!

Very long never blog, reason being, busy plus at times just dont know how to put them into words. My luck wasnt very good ever since last week till today. Everything was not going so smoothly and lots of hiups on and off. Suppose to enjoy myself last weekend, but end up being ruin by my parents. Following day, slept for just an hour to 2 only, has to wake up at 3 plus in the morning, thinking that could finsh praying early, end up we could only pray in the daylight, because of uncle's car spoil, and we waited for 3 to 4 hours.. Hai...
A brand new week, a good start, but rubbish, has to OT for 2 hrs plus. Telling myself that never mind, monday only, is ok, tuesday will be better, ha, who knows, tuesday super duper bad luck, being assign to this particular surgeon theatre whereby everytime I will surely get scolding from him either by dropping stuff or even the hose spoil, also my problem or whatever, no matter how hard I try to do my very best, and better still, if he didnt scold me, then I will get hit by some heavy stuff. Some more my senior in charge also has conflict with him, whereby I heard that he has already condem her.. True enough that night, I get all the rubbish again, drop his stuff, get scolded by him, he throw the instruments on my table, my senior answered him in a very bad attitude and in the end he wants to talk to the sister in charge and request to change staff. I was being scolded by him till in the end I broke down. Therefore he request to change because 1 give bad attitude, the other become emotional, because he saw I cried. Ha, ever since this incident happen, for the rest of these few days my confidence totally drop super lot. I become very scare to go to work, when I scrub up, very afraid of dropping stuff, when circulating, I tend to feel breathless even is just a very minor stuff, my performance totally dropped.. Every little thing that is not going well can also make my tears flow. Feel really super duper useless. Really wish to go for a long break, and just dont feel like going to work tommorow morning. When will all these rubbish goes away???...

It has been a long and tiring week for me the whole of this week. Lots of happenings, 1st time scrubing for major cases which involves the lung and the stomach together at a go, putting me in a super duper stress situation, and the worse part is i have to repeat myself for 3 to 4 times in order to get my stuff. running like mad dog on tuesday with just 2 to 3 hours of sleep on that day due to the super fast going surgeon and the who only knows that documentation is her first priority sister in charge, dont even check if there is enough sets for other cases, scrubing a case for more then 3 hours with no lunch and still have to go home late, working morning the next day but still have to stay back to finish the list till 11, reach home at 11 plus to 12 and wake up at 5 plus the next morning, just in order to be early for the big boss case, which was cancelled in the end due to he is busy. Ha, what a good excuses. Was considered lucky that tomorrow has no work but have to be back on sunday morning, sob sob.. Cant ask for more but just to be happy that at least i could get away with all the stupid running like a mad dog today..

A new year a great and good start, but sad to say, I am sick from eve of new year till now, still not fully recovered. keep coughing all night, running nose or block nose in the morning. Sob SOb!! Another sad news on Monday, I cant apply for my degree due to super lack of staff covering our shifts. I am super tired and exhausted, stupid illness still doesnt recover n cant have good night sleep. Is tiring..

Last sunday, 16 dec was a unforgettable and enjoyable day for me. It was a very very long time that I could have such a long time to enjoy myself with no restrictions and calls from home and no nagging from home before going out.

Went down to Orchard Partyworld and lots of happenings over there. Got to know a new friend whom was so hyper active after some time of getting along, and also someone whom can make our dear yiyi to be hyper too.. Unbelieveable.. She was a friendly and easy going gal to get along with. Cant imagine that I could watch a LIVE RACE from partyworld to Marina Square.. Wow cant imagine that this gal can run that fast. HA maybe I too slow liao..

Have super lots of fun during KTV putting aside some unwanted feelings, but was really tiring walking from Partyworld to Marina Square. My foot was aching, and my head were spinning away and sort of fainting. Finally we reached and all of us were so anxious looking out for the restuarant, but we just couldnt find it anywhere in this place, Finally Nat decided to give them a call and that place was situated outside the shopping mall.

WARAKU's food was nice and appetitzing, or was it because we were too hungry after the long walk, haha.. During our dinner,we too have fun there, all thanks to Kangwei's STICKY CURRY.. wow that was the funniest part when he ask the waitress and the expression on her face. It has been a long time since I have such a wonderful and full of laughter day and dinner.. Really enjoy a lot..

Moody moody moody, everything looks ok today, but I am just feeling very moody... No mood to do anything especially after work.. Tired Tired Tired... Suddenly have the urge to give up.. REally no mood or strength to carry on with everything. Put in so much effort but in the end I get.... Just dont know how to appreciate my effort.. Giving in time and time again but....Haiiiii.... Really hope to run away and cant be bother with everything... Sian to the max!!!!