When Can I Be Back To Normal?

Wow ard two months nv update le..
For the past two months is really like forcing mi to grow up into wat i am nw which i really dont knw is tis wat i wan..
The emotion prob that i hav mention in my last post has finally come to an end in ard mid august, result is i n tat peron nv go into it cos he decide to back out. when he told mi abt it, i was feeling a sign of relieve but at the same time i was also feeling sad. I feel relieve is that finally i dont hav to tink so much anymore n luckily we nv go into it after he tell mi e reason, but i dont knw y do i feel sad, n in e end i jus cry out in front of belfred didi, and at the same time i jus hpe tat there is someone else who can really giv mi a good scolding or jus a slap on my face.. but e person tat can really giv mi a good scolding is nt ard n is busy wif his training. Didi was shock wen he saw it, as he was on the phone with yiyi initially.. He try to calm mi dwn after tat n we hav a good tok til very late, he ask mi a lot of questions which really makes mi tink n ask myself abt it. I thought it would be the end of it but in the end e nxt day i still hav to go back to sch to face him n still hav to tok to him normally like nothing has ever happen.. DO u knw tat is really XIN KU n fustrating? Is really very torturing, which really makes mi hav endless tears for that particular wk.
But after that wk, i finally survive, but is also frm e help of didi n yiyi,they keep cheering mi up, and even try to sense to mi that makes mi think. After tis stupid incident, i thought is the end, but in e end find out that i really hav been missing out on my studies which i really cant catch up during e lectures. when ppl ask mi ques abt the module, al i knw was a little bit, n i only manage to catch up well in two modules n e rest were al in a mess.. Have to really take a lot of time to go thru everything but when start to go thru, again will think of him, think of not hw well he treat mi, is think of: If n0t bcos of him i wont be in tis state. But who can i blame, jus hav to blame on that i do not hav e determination initially lol.. haiiii